Bed Bugs, Keyboards, Vacuum Guys and what that means

They don’t know where they go, he said.

Where what go? my friend asked.

The sperm. This was his reason for not having the vasectomy he’d promised to get while she was in labor with their second kid. He continued,My cousin had a vasectomy and he died.

Of lung cancer! she exclaimed.

The irony is that he knocked up the woman he later began seeing on the side. Maybe if he’d kept his promise to have that little snip, he wouldn’t have been busted. Just as well. As a friend, I say he was a snake and she is better off without him.

As a relationship coach, I try to see both sides. Okay, I have to admit that this guy’s given excuse for reneging is beyond lame. I guess he’d rather look stupid than admit he was afraid of a procedure that messed with his most prized possession. Is there any doubt that if men had to go through childbirth, we’d all be only children? My nerves.

Well, one sure thing, until my friend cooled off, there was one place his sperm weren’t going!

Michelle Obama is one smart cookie. She made her hubby, the prez, promise to give up smoking if she’d let him run for office. Rumor has it he’s an occasional backslider. Some might say he’s quasi-keeping his promise. I say, it’s like being pregnant. You either is or you isn’t! She’s already delivered on her end of the deal. What’s she going to do if Barack is busted with ashtray breath? Make him resign? One can only speculate that her response to his occasional backsliding may be very similar to my friend’s I-don-t-think-so-not-tonight response to her hubby’s broken promise to get snipped.

It’s easy to make promises. Maybe too easy given how important keeping our word is to being trusted. When you say,I will [fill in the blank], you’ve made a promise to [fill in the blank]. Breaking the biggies, e.g., the promise of fidelity, will land you in divorce court by the count of three. Breaking little promises does the same thing. It just takes longer. We all have memory lapses. It’s not a federal offense to forget a stop at the dry cleanersunless it’s the bazillionth time you’veforgotten to run that errand, pick up your wet towel, pay the cable bill, take the kids to the park, put gas in the car, mow the lawn before your in-laws arrive, schedule an appointment with your CPA, take the dog to the vet, clean the garage, sew the button on his shirt, pick up a carton of milk, make a bank deposit, and so on and so on ad infinitum. A promise made should be a promise kept. Trust is the foundation for every intimate relationship. That trust is built one tiny kept promise on top of another.

Which reminds me . . . I promised hubby Dale I’d pick up some toothpaste. Gotta run! Oh, does anybody know where the sperm do go?

Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach, speaker and author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy to be released in September 2009. For more information, visit Frequent Foreplay Miles Bed Bugs, Keyboards, Vacuum Guys and what that means18666Bed Bugs, Keyboards, Vacuum Guys and what that meansBed Bugs, Keyboards, Vacuum Guys and what that means for your business!!

Call me nave but I let him into my house. The vacuum guy. He seemed sweet enough: eight foot tall and thin as a rake and looking barely twelve, (though he was probably in his twenties) he looked like he wouldn’t harm a fly. Having purchased my last vacuum cleaner from a garage sale, I knew I was overdue for an upgrade. More importantly, having just dog sat for the world’s worst shedder, a week of dog hairs lay tangled in the carpet.The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. What? Shampooing thrown in too? Heaven on a stick. Not one to miss an opportunity I gleefully steered him to the biggest room. Little did I know why he was really there.

The Biggest Sucker

Since my mind was now exploring the topic of vacuum cleaners, my eyes scanned the room for unkemptness in the same way my tongue scans my mouth the moment anyone mentions the word dentist’. Hoping all is well, but inevitably finding what’s not right. The assortment of unopened bills on the counter top. The dust on the windowsill. The unsorted papers. The dog nose prints on the sliding door. The broken scanner I haven’t recycled yet.

He sensed my vulnerability and locked his sites in on his prey. He enthusiastically produced this monster of a machine and proceeded to suck the living bejeebees out of the armchair. Which of course, to his delight, delivered a thick layer of crud onto his filter. He held it up excitedly. Bet you didn’t know that was in there!’ he said. I shook my head. And do you know the dirtiest place in the house?’ he said. My mind of course went to toilet bowls, but he corrected me. Your keyboard.’

Huh?’

The X Factor

Out came the special fitting and pulled from my computer a mountain of dog hairs, sand, human hair… well, you get the picture. Now I know why the x’ key had been playing up. I was about to discover a whole new X factor.

That got me thinking. That chair and that keyboard looked perfectly clean before. I just had no idea what was beneath the surface.

I thought that about my own business too. I had a great product and service, proven, track tested. Loved. But not yet a household name, that’s for sure. What was the crud beneath the surface of my awareness that I hadn’t cleared out? What hidden beliefs? What sand in the cracks?

The Fear Factor

I was in conversation a little earlier with a speaker friend of mine, and spoke about my desire to take my business to the next level and I remember saying the phrase fear of being seen’ and a chill ran through me. I felt it. My body was telling me the deep truth in my words. I was afraid. But I wasn’t really addressing it. I hadn’t seen’ it. I wasn’t aware of the affect it was having on my life.

But here’s the next thing the vacuum guy taught me. The mattress was his next target. Perfectly clean sheet, but a whole bunch of crud pulled right through it. That’s dead bed bugs and their faeces.’ He told me,

Charming’

Pooped

Apparently they create 200 times their own weight in waste and baby bugs (who also create waste) every week. That’s one heck of a lot of poop. Week after week. No wonder people get bad allergies. One third of your life breathing in bug poop.

But look at what happens to our thoughts.Take something that frustrates/angers/scares/irritates you and watch how, if left unchecked, it multiplies, day after day, week after week. I immediately took stock of my fear thoughts, my small-fish-in-a-big-pond thoughts, and saw how, beneath the surface they were corroding my sense of self and affecting my ability to truly step out and be seen. I needed a good vacuum!!!

Awareness Audit

What did that mean? Awareness auditing. Clearing out the crap. When a limiting thought came up I’d put up an immediate stop sign, breathe, and re-align with my deeper purpose to create a fulfilling life and business, and make a positive difference. In short take a page out of my own book! I got back on track with my morning journaling and my meditation. I started working on the next tele-series, I wrote an article, cleared out the clutter in my office, I started writing articles again. In short I cleaned my consciousness and got off my butt.

Thank you Mr. Vacuum guy. I’m sorry I didn’t buy your product. It’s worth every penny, and more powerful than you’ll ever know.

Rachel Flower Author/Speaker/trainer www.senssoma.com