How to Check In On What You’re Attracting

Recently, it’s come to my attention that I have an inner perfectionist. This discovery came as a shock to me, but when I mentioned it to close friends and family, they all nodded and agreed. How strange it was to meet this part of my personality, and yet it was so powerful to become aware of how these subconscious influences affect my life.

I suspect that each inner perfectionist has her own characteristics and job to do. In my case, my inner perfectionist is the driving force behind me striving to give 100% or better much of the time. And she is the little voice in my head that cautions me against trying something new if she’s not 100% certain I can succeed, do a great job, or do whatever it is without upsetting anyone.

In fact, my inner perfectionist is behind a lot of the procrastinating in my life.

She holds me back from speaking up when things aren’t working for me and asking for a change that better meets my needs because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. She puts the brakes on unproven, innovative new ideas that might really serve my clients because she doesn’t want to make a mistake. And she tries to keep me from walking through open doors of opportunity discovered by my intuition when life is too busy to verify the spark of inspiration with a thorough logical analysis.

While I suspect that my inner perfectionist came into being in my younger years to protect me from doing things that might seriously injure me or get me into a lot of trouble because I can recall several incidents in my childhood where she would have come in handy, her strict rules seem to keep me stuck in unhealthy and uninspiring situations as an adult. And while she provides excellent customer service to my clients, her unwavering standards lead to exhaustion.

In fact, psychologists have discovered that giving these inner perfectionists free reign to strive for 100% all the time lead to many challenges like fatigue, depression, anxiety and the physical symptoms of chronic stress. Many of us are trained culturally or driven internally to be perfectionists all of the time, and despite our best efforts, we often fall short of our expectations and end up exhausted and disappointed in ourselves. I don’t know about you, but this is certainly a pattern in my life.

An inner perfectionist can be hard to spot, but there are some signs that give her away. For example, inner perfectionists are much harder on themselves than they are on anyone else. If you find that you give yourself a hard time about something that you would forgive or not even blink an eye about if someone else did it – you may have an inner perfectionist. Another sign: procrastination! If you find yourself putting off doing something because you don’t have exactly the right tools or skills to do it just right and you’re afraid of making a fool out of yourself or because you’re afraid of upsetting someone else by making a change or being successful – you may have an inner perfectionist.

If you do discover that, like me, you have an inner perfectionist – don’t do what I did when I discovered it. I gave myself a hard time about it in true perfectionist form. Instead, give yourself permission to not be perfect all the time and relax. Whether that means giving yourself space to to be average, adventerous, willing to disappoint others some of the time, or to make a fool out of yourself – give yourself permission to try things without worrying about getting it right. And give your inner perfectionist a lot of compassion because she’s working overtime to keep you safe – perhaps it’s time to send her on vacation for a while.

If your inner perfectionist was on vacation, what would you do differently in your relationships, at home, at work?

Joanna Scaparotti helps wellness professionals thrive in life and business. She can be reached at joannascaparotti.com. Be yourself and change the world!

How to Check In On What You’re Attracting19374How to Check In On What You’re AttractingA recent question from a listener ofmy Art of Joyful Living radio show prompted this article. The question is: how do I stay on track throughout my day in terms of focusing on how I feel and what I truly want to manifest in my life? I love this question and it comes up often with my one on one clients, too. The key to changing a lifetime habit of default thinking is to become mindful (take notice of) what you are thinking on an ongoing basis. The more you do this, the more attuned you become to what you typically think so that you can choose to stick with those thoughts (if they’re working for you) or consciously choose to change them (if they’re not). As with learning any new habit, repetition is your secret to success. I use a variety of reminder techniques with my clients to help them “break into” their thoughts throughout their day so they can check in on what they are thinking and, consequently, what they are attracting. You can use these same simple techniques to revolutionize how you think.

Here are one dozen strategies for you. Choose your top three and give them a try.

  • Set your cell phone/watch alarm for every 30, 60 or 90minutes. When it chimes, stop and check in with yourself. What are you thinking? How do you feel?

  • Post reminder notes EVERYWHERE from your car dashboard to your bathroom mirror. Post-it notes are great for this. You can simply post the questions: “What am I thinking?” and “How do I feel?”

  • Enlist the help of your family/friends to call you on “backsliding” (very sweetly of course) when they hear you speaking in old patterns (this helps with your thought processes as our words come from our thoughts). You can also have them check in with you throughout the day (with a call or email if you’re not together) to ask you how it’s going.

  • Wear a talisman, like a specific bracelet, that you designate as your “behavior changing talisman” or “thought changer” so that every time you glance at it you are reminded of what you are doing.

  • If you’re an avid social networker, always include how you feel in your posts. Every time you Tweet throughout your day, no matter what it’s about, save a few spaces for “I feel _______.” In order to share it, you have to think about it.

  • If you check your email frequently during the day or your computer or phone, register at one of theremindersites (like the birthday reminder sites) to receive emails/texts throughout the day to remind you to check in with what you think, how you feel, what you are doing, etc.

  • You can’t go wrong with mantras, keywords and affirmations

  • Create a series of daily habits that include processes for working on making this change automatic and authentic.

  • Track your thoughts, feelings and actions in a journal (which can be done throughout the day)

  • Get a buddy who is also working on making a change and keep each other on track (like a work out buddy).

  • Apply a personal reward system. Every time you catch yourself using your new language/habit/belief, you get a treat.

  • Make a game out of improving your life either in your own mind or literally create a card, dice or board game and have fun with the process.

    • These are just a dozen possible strategies.Use them as is or tweak them to fit you better. These can all be adapted for changing thoughts, beliefs, actions,habits, etc.For me, enacting change is all about making it fun, authentic and holistic so keep that in mind as you journey through whatever changes you are making.

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    2009 Ruth Hegarty

    WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Ruth Hegarty helps women entrepreneurs create confident and effortless success. As a certified Law of Attraction Coach, Ruth teaches women to unleash their powerful creator. She hosts the popular “The Art of Joyful Living Radio Show.” Listen every Tuesday by visiting http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Art-of-Joyful-Living.

    To learn more about Ruth’s group or one-on-one coaching programs and to get her free Confidence Building e-book for women, please visit her website at http://www.ConfidenceMentor.com.