Risk Compassion

I have been running my company for six years now. A company built out of my goal to empower people to reach out when others are going through hard times. Because from my own personal experience, most people don’t.

At first I was angry and disappointed after my first real loss. But then, had I ever been told’ what to do following a death? What to say, what not to say, and what to send? I worked it out through trial and error. I am also British, so I couldn’t even follow anyone’s lead. They were all not’ doing it!

Then, WAM! Aged 38 and 12 weeks pregnant I had a miscarriage and my eyes were opened to the everyday pain going on all around us. As I coped with my own grief, I also had to cope with my friends silence No one called, but the door bell did keep ringing. Flowers flowed through the door. From well wishers in the UK, to the lady who lived next door. The delivery guy asked me if it was my birthday. I have never felt so sad in my life. I was numb with grief.

But a strange thing happened. A friend’s 20 something year old previous babysitter just showed up one day. She sat and listened. She didn’t look at her watch. She let me cry and didn’t look away. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to talk and cry and talk and cry. That day the cloud opened. As the months passed I contacted her and asked what was it about you’ that connected to me that day and started my healing. Then I found out she was now a school counselor. She had been trained to listen’. Not to agree, or disagree, to offer advice or spout forth stories of other people. She had been taught to listen and just be’.

So there was hope for me also. I took myself off to Salem State College and took the next counseling course available. Six years later, I’m still here trying to make people feel a bit better. Still encouraging people to not give in to their worries about getting it wrong and making it worse.

So to anyone reading this, if anyone you know is hurting from any type of experience let me pass down a few key bits of advice.

  1. Whatever it is’ name it! If it is a cancer diagnosis, call it that. If it is the death of a loved one call it just that.