When Being the Best Student Isn’t Best for the Child

     When Being the Best Student Isn’t Best for the Child: The Myths of Education (Part II)

Myth #2: Being a Top Student Leads to a Great Life

We all want the best for our kids. So when we urge a teen to be the best possible student, it’s often because we know this will get him into thebest collegesand we assume this will lead to the best life. On the flip side, we assume that if you’re not a top student, you won’t have a wonderful life.

We assume wrong. Here are a few places to start if you want to question your assumptions

1. It can be bad for your health.
The more that students focus on others’ approval, being seen as intelligent, or academic performance, the more their symptoms of anxiety and depression increase, say researchers Judy Crocker and colleagues. Shockingly, children in the 1980s had more symptoms of anxiety than the average psychiatric patient in the 1950s, Jean Twenge found.

2. An elite degree is no guarantee.
Some Harvard studentsin a group that was selected for academic, physical, and psychological superioritywent on to live satisfying lives and some went on to live unhappy lives, says Dr. George Vaillant. Underprivileged students who went to any college (no matter which one) had the same life-health pattern as the Harvard group, Vaillant explains.

3. Hearts trump.
People who score higher on theheart strengthszest, gratitude, hope, and love are more satisfied with their lives than those who score high on intellectual strengths, report researchers Nansook Park, Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman.Social Aptitude not intellectual brilliance is the critical factor fora well-adapted old age, George Vaillant writes.

What is most surprising about the myth-of-the-best-student is that it hurts the very teens we think are best-served by high school today. If we encourage kids to focus on high grades, teachers’ opinions, class rank, or getting into thebest colleges, we are asking them to give their attention to things that increase their chances of becoming anxious or depressed.

Not only that, we teach them that being the best is what counts and leave them to learn for themselves how to develop strengths that could make a profound difference in their lives.

Telling a Better Story

How can we tell a better story to our teens and to other parents and teachers?

1. Find out what a college ranking does and doesn’t do for your teen’s life.

When you learn about the facts: what makes for a good college, how many there are (far more than most of us think), and the thriving adults who did not go to aname school, you’ll learn there’s no need to worry. Colleges that Change Lives by Loren Pope offers a unique view that can help take the edge off.

2. Learn the game colleges play.

Rule #1 for colleges: get as many teens to apply as possible, so you will have a higher rejection rate. This supposedly makes for a better educationat least in the guidebooks. Read The College Admissions Mystique to learn more.

Ask yourself this: what does the admissions game have to do with giving your child an education that will let him flourish in life?

3. Appreciate the beauty of your teen’s gifts. Encourage your child not to worry (much) about grades, status, or teacher opinion. Instead, help her find, value, and develop her special qualitieseven when they don’t fit neatly into what others claim is important.There are many adults who were great students, but not happy in life. There are also many adults who were not good students but flourished because they developed their gifts.

Throw out the myths. Tell these stories instead.

Christine Being Interviewed Note: This is the second article in a series on The Myths of Education. To learn about Myth #1, watch a new video interview and see last month’s article: Bright Kids at the Bottom.

Christine Duvivier, M.A.P.P. is an expert in positive psychology and resilience. Parents can learn to Unwrap Your Teen’s Gifts, a workshop offered by Christine and Dr. Ned Hallowell on April 11, at Bentley College. Learn More Here.

See Christine’s website http://www.positiveleaders.com for additional articles and parent information.

Images: Hearts; Lecture Hall; Happy girl in field
This article originally appeared on February 9, 2009 in Positive Psychology News Daily. The original article is here: http://pos-psych.com/news/christine-duvivier/200902091473.