Your Power To Choose

Difficult choices are still choices. No one, whatever their actions, can deprive me of the ability to choose my way of being. Difficult people are nevertheless people, and it always remains in my power to see them that way.” ~ The Anatomy of Peace

There are times in my stepmom life that I have seriously felt like I was being squished between a rock and a hard place. I was either “damned if I do or damned if I don’t.” During one agonizing analysis paralysis session with my Self, I opted to err on the “damned if I do” and make my choices accordingly.

I acknowledge that my doing will ruffle feathers. I don’t like stepping on toes and I go out of my way to ensure that whatever I’m doing, I’m not stepping on The Ex-Wife’s toes when it comes to her children. The balancing act can be kind of tough but what makes it easier is that I’m doing for the sake of doing. I’m not doing to make myself look good and someone else look bad. I do because that’s who I am.

I step in.

I step out.

I step up.

I step down.

I step side to side.

I do the Two Step Tango. I’m not trying to out do anyone, be better than anyone, or overshadow anyone. Sometimes, when it’s a difficult choice, I’ll ask Richard “what do you think?” and he usually tells me “just be who you are.”

That’s easy. I can be me.

Stepping In
As a custodial stepmom, I’ve had to step in with Junior. He lives in my home, under my roof, under rules set forth by Richard and me. I am the one who is the primary contact for school. I make his doctor appointments, dentist appointments, and I live with that weird smell that only boys make. When it comes to Junior, I step in…and sometimes all over it.

Stepping Out
The New Mommy is worried that her mom, her mother-in-law, and me (her stepmom) are going to “fight” over who gets to hold Olivia during the wedding…”Honey, please,” I said, “take me out of the equation. I know where you live and I can hold Olivia anytime. I don’t need to hold her during your wedding.”

Non-existent problem solved.

Stepping Up
One of my strengths is organization and planning…and when the occasion calls for it, I put on my project manager hat and step up. I planned The New Mommy’s baby shower (and yes, I was more than ready to step down if her mom wanted to take more of a role). I’m helping her plan her wedding. But I’m not doing anything out of character – I’m also planning The Red Head’s wedding, which is six week’s after The New Mommy’s.

Stepping Down
One of the qualities of a good project manager is the manager’s ability to delegate and trust that other people are fully capable to do the do. As much as I planned The New Mommy’s baby shower, I also stepped down once the big things were taken care of (location being the biggest) and let her older sister take it away. She coordinated the guest list, the menu, and the favors. She did a phenomenal job!

Stepping Side to Side
This is probably my favorite part of being a stepmom because it means I’m also a wife. Richard’s wife to be exact. And there’s nothing more romantic then when Richard takes me in his arms and dances me around the kitchen…or on the beach under a moonlit sky.

As a stepmom I make difficult choices and deal with difficult people and situations. It’s not always easy staying balanced on the double edged sword that accompanies remarried life…and I have slipped off a time or two. What keeps things in harmony most of the time is me and my way of being. Chaos can swirl around me but as long as I have peace in my heart and see difficult people as people and difficult situations as opportunities, then I’m more apt to respond with love and understanding.

Peggy Nolan
http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
toolboxgrl@gmail.com