The Stepmom Mirror

“The next time you have a judgmental thought that effects you, please look within to see why it is bothering you so much. You may be surprised at what you learn.” ~ Nadia at Happy Lotus

How often have you had a judgmental thought about your husband’s ex-wife that has really effected you? You felt angry or frustrated with something she did or did not do and you passed judgement on her.

How could she? How dare she? I would never do that! Reasonable people don’t do what she just did! What kind of mother would do that?

The hard truth is,

How could I? How dare I? I probably would do that! I’m reasonable and I did what she did! I’m the kind of mother who would do that.

And so are you.

I’m both a bio mom and a step mom and my two older daughters have a stepmom. When their dad and I got divorced, I did some pretty nutty things. Divorce makes you crazy. Or at least it made me crazy for about 6 months, then hostile for another six months, and sometime during my dance with breast cancer, I simply accepted my life as it was a divorced mom of two teenagers and a breast cancer patient. And my life became betterexponentially better. So, whatever judgements my ex and his wife were passing on me, oh saythe crazy ex-wife from hell you can bet what they were looking at was a projection of themselves. It was easier for both of them to pass judgement on me rather than look at the damage they caused or accept responsibility for their owncrazy behavior.

In 2006 I added stepmom to my resume. And I spent the better part of year two passing judgement on my husband’s ex-wife. As a mom, I can’t imagine not wanting to do the mom things for my daughters. But guess what, when my life was a mess, I wasn’t doing the mom things for my daughters. When I judged my husband’s ex-wife on her less than stellar mom-abilities, I was really looking at myself and where I fell short when my life was upside down.

The next time you pass judgement on your husband’s ex-wife, I challenge you to look inside yourself and see where it’s coming from.