Relationships Change: How to Maintain Them

Relationships. Why do they change? So often we find ourselves
struggling to maintain a long-term relationship that somehow doesn’t
feel as good as it used to. Our sense of history and loyalty motivate
us to do whatever we can to keep that relationship alive. How do we
know when it is time to move on?

We, as part of this Universe, are Constantly Changing
Like everything else in life, nothing remains static, everything
changes. According to quantum physics, the universe and everything in
it is in a constant state of flux. When we examine an atom up close, we
can see tremendous movement. If the universe is in a constant state of
flux, it is only natural that we, as part of this universe, are also
constantly changing. We all change and grow over the years.

We grow. We evolve. We change.
Think about yourself. Who you are as a human being is undoubtedly
different from who you were twenty, thirty years ago. Life’s
experiences change how we view the world and how we think. We grow. We
evolve. We change. We acquire wisdom over the years. We find that new
and different things hold meaning for us.

Experience Dramatically Changes the Way We Look at the World
For instance, as a woman in her twenties, my priorities were totally
different from the woman I am today. Now I have children and that
experience alone has dramatically changed the way that I look at the
world. Back then, I was much more self-involved then I am now. I worked
in media in New York City for nearly twenty years and believe me, that
experience had a tremendous impact on my thinking.

Deep Values and Passion Overshadow Surface Differences
I have a dear friend that I have known for over twenty years. Her
life and mine took very different paths. I worked, got married, had
kids, retired and am now working again. She has led a single life with
a very exciting international career. Somehow we have managed to
maintain that friendship because at our cores we still hold the same
deep values and passion that overshadow the surface differences.

What We Value Dictates What We Accept in our Lives
But there have been other relationships that have not fared as well.
I had to accept that they no longer worked and let them go. Sometimes
the length of a friendship cannot accommodate the people we have
become. Our values, the things that we hold precious, no longer jibe.
How we interact doesn’t work anymore. With age, we learn to say no to
things that we accommodated in the past. We realize that what we say no
to defines us. We find that we have come to a place in our lives where
what we value dictates what we accept in our lives.

There is Just What is
I remember when I was younger it seemed to me that if a relationship
went south, I was to blame; obviously it was something that I did. Not
so anymore. There is no guilt. There is just what is.

If there is turmoil in a relationship, I know that I must first and
foremost stop and determine if there is anything whatsoever that I
might have done to contribute to that turmoil. Perhaps I said something
that could have been misinterpreted by the other person. If I am
totally honest with myself and identify where I could have done
something differently, then there is a good chance that I can fix
things.

What We Place Importance on in a Relationship can Shift
But not always. Sometimes communication just doesn’t work; we seem
to be misreading each other too often; what we place importance on in a
relationship shifts for one or both of us. We find that there is more
dissonance than resonance. We may still care deeply for one another but
we find that we don’t work anymore.

What doesn’t Serve Us We Leave Behind
There is no fault or blame. Things change. What doesn’t serve us we
leave behind. Fortunately, we seem to find a way to make most of our
relationships work because we have such a deep love and respect for
that other person. But sometimes not.

Accept the Relationship for What it is and not What We Want it to Be
Here is where acceptance comes into play. Accept the relationship
for what it is and not what we want it to be. It is what it is. Once
you have accepted that reality (versus your version of what reality
should look like) then you are free to make a decision about
maintaining that relationship or not. Perhaps you find a way to live
with the relationship because the pros outweigh the cons. Perhaps you
find the cons are not worth the effort anymore. Either way, it a
decision based upon the truth.

Go with what Matters the Most to You and What Honors You
The beauty of all this is that if we leave our ego at the door and
are honest and accepting, we can make things work more often than not.
I think that is the key to most everything in life. Honesty and
acceptance. Go with what matters the most to you and what honors you.
Accept nothing less. Life is too short.

Powerful Change is Possible
You can live a life that truly works and you can achieve peak
performance in all areas of your life. You can not only survive life’s
unexpected changes and transitions but also thrive. Powerful change is
possible. You are fully capable of creating a life that you choose.