Divorce Recovery: Are Your Fears Holding You Back?

Divorce turns our lives upside down. It throws us into a major life
transition that is colored by intense feelings and emotions that can be
debilitating. I believe that fear is the main culprit that holds us
back from not only healing and letting go of our pain, but also from
moving forward into a new life. So it is fear we need to identify and
then overcome.

Fear inhibits forward motion
Fear debilitates. It acts as a paralytic agent that keeps us stuck.
It inhibits any real forward motion. Fear, whether it is conscious or
unconscious, is a non-believer: it refuses to see any good in our
present situation or the possibilities of the future. It robs us of our
self-esteem and confidence. It runs the mind chatter in our heads that
continuously tells us what we cannot do, have or be.

Deal with your personal demons
The trauma of divorce re-activates and exacerbates deep seeded
beliefs about ourselves that we have held onto for years. If one held a
belief that one was not really smart or capable enough, that belief is
made all the worse by the divorce and one comes to fear their future.
They believe that there is no possibility that they could heal their
deep wounds and move forward with life. Our personal demons rise up and
fear starts to run the show.

It is the unknown that overwhelms us
We fear the future, the unknown. It is like looking into an abyss.
How will I manage? What will I do? Where will we live? How will I pay
the bills? What if my kids are taken away from me? Who will ever want
to be in a relationship with me? I’m going to be alone all my life. It
is the unknown that overwhelms us, not having the answers, not being in
control of our lives.

Accept the fact that we do not have all the answers
Look, here’s the thing about the future: nobody knows what is going
to happen. Wall Street is built on predicting the future and yet all
they really offer are educated guesses. We don’t know what will happen
tonight let alone next month or next year. Not knowing, not having all
the answers is a simple fact of our existence. We must accept the fact
that we don’t have to have all the answers and that we cannot predict
our future. All we can do is rise up and create a vision of what we
would like our future to look like and then take the action steps to
get there.

Our future can be better than our past
We have no control over the future either. The fact remains: the
only thing or person that we can control is ourselves. We cannot
control the future but we certainly can plan for it. We can determine
what we want and then take the steps to move us towards our goals. The
future will unfold before us with our deep involvement and abiding
faith that our future can be better than our past.

Overcoming your fears
Here are a few pointers on how to overcome our fears during and after our divorce: