Moving Beyond Your Divorce: Acceptance

There is no single more powerful stumbling block to moving beyond
our divorce into a new life than the inability to accept our new
reality. Acceptance is the hardest part of the divorce recovery
process. Acceptance requires total honesty, courage and the willingness
to let go of the life that we hada life that no longer exists. Without
that acceptance, we cannot move forward and create a new life.
How does one learn acceptance?
Although it takes time and a good deal of inner work, it can be
done. Here is a step-by-step guide to move you towards acceptance:

1. It’s about you, not them

One of the most powerful lessons in life is the knowledge that we
have control over one person and one person onlyourselves. If you are
looking outside of yourself to move forward, you won’t. We can’t change
anyone but ourselves. We have power over no one except ourselves. It is
when we turn inward and do the work on ourselves that we will be able
to effect dramatic and positive changes in our lives.

Being a victim means giving away all control and power. If I blame
someone else for my situation, then I am powerless to do anything about
it as I have chosen to absolve myself of any responsibility.

We can create changes that will make out lives better but not until
we stop trying to change our ex or our current reality and we realize
that it’s about us, not them.

2. Get support

If you think you can do this all by yourself you may be in for a big
surprise. Research consistently shows that getting support in any
challenging endeavor leads to more success. Whether you choose a
divorce support group, a therapist, a member of the clergy or a Life
Coach, just do it.

If you are one of the those people who think that you have to handle
life’s challenges on your own because somehow you equate support with
weakness, get over it! Getting support is a sign of intelligence as far
as I’m concerned as well as an indication that you really are serious
about moving onward in life.

3. First, you must get through the initial stages of loss that
include denial, grief, anger, depression and whatever else you might be
feeling early in the divorce process

These emotions are all natural and necessary states that we need to
experience. They are the norm versus the exception. Each one of these
feelings needs to be embraced and experienced fully. There must be an
ending before a new beginning.

There is a difference between fully experiencing an emotional stage
and getting stuck in it. Beware excessive self-pity and real
depression. Here is where support becomes important to your well-being
and improvement.

4. Distinguish between facts and interpretations

I cannot stress the importance of this step enough. People get stuck
when they cannot face the facts and prefer to believe that their
personal interpretations are reality.