Don’t Settle for Less

What happens when a sense of dissonance is ignored? More likely than
not, it will result in a life filled with regret and bitterness.
An Example in Not Settling
A good friend of mine, Pat, has been married for about twenty-three
years. She and her husband have three kids, plenty of money and a
beautiful home. There is abundance in their lives in terms of material
items.

Wants to experience more love and caring
They hardly talk with the exception of check-ins on the children
schedules. My friend is a gregarious and curious human being who loves
people; she loves to immerse herself in deep discussions about any
number of things. She loves to learn and grow. She is desperate for
communication with her husband; for a deeper connection with him. She
wants to experience more love and caring but he just doesn’t go
there: he doesn’t do deep’? discussions or open up emotionally. He
doesn’t seem curious at all about the so-called deepe’? things
that fascinate Pat. She feels she hardly knows him. She knows her
girlfriends better.

What to do?
First, she needs to accept the fact that we have control over only
one person in our lives: ourselves. Try as you might, people change
only when they decide they need and/or want to change. Have you had
relationships that went south? Did you attempt to fix the other person?
How did that work out? If you did manage to see significant change in
that person, trust me, it was because they made the decision to change.
You might have nudged them in the right direction but unless they
were fully committed of their own volition it wasn’t going to
happen.

If she wants change in her life, if she wants more, it up to her and her alone.
So back to Pat. If she wants change in her life, if she wants more,
it up to her and her alone. She needs to get very clear about what
she wants in her life. What has real meaning for her; what are her
passions; who is she (minus all her roles in life) and who is she
becoming?

Envision a future that will be fulfilling
Whenever we hit a major life challenge or life transition, it is
important not to make any fast decisions before we gain clarity. We
must start with inner work. It important to take stock of yourself.
Envision a future that will be fulfilling, that will be in full
alignment with what matters the most to you. Forget about whether it
seems possible. Work in the arena of, If it was totally possible, I
would’