Are Your Beliefs Setting You Up for Unhappiness?

Hi! Marina Kamen aka MARINA here! I am a 50 year old mother of 3 kids ages 16, 18 & 23, married 26 years and I have lost 100 pounds. I have been co-owner with my husband of a music & commercial recording facility since 1987. Over the past few years, we found ourselves having to switch gears and grow a new business model due to the down turn in our industry.Being in the recording industry and starting the first online record label back in 1997 with the first wave of audio streaming ( this is the technology that is used with what you now know as Itunes downloads) my social networking began back 12 years ago as we networked with the first wave reaching out to the small handful of online writers…reviews and other record labels primarily which started in Canada.Over the years in addition to countless hours of manpower reaching out to these few companies online my presence began to grow. If you type my full name into google you will find page after page of this tracking back to 1997.In 2005, with the birth of “podcasting” and having the equipment and knowledge regarding this new medium, I was able to start producing podcasts in the music, health & fitness areas. I received the People’s Choice Award in Podcasting that year as well as acting as Host for the NYC Podcasting association at my recording studios in NYC. These two situations helped push my name even further out onto the internet and social networking communities.
The beauty of this new online PR & Sales medium is that the media time is FREE. Most of us that start our own business and are working while raising a family do not have the disposable income to pay for conventional Radio & TV advertising. Even print advertising can be upwards of 5,000 dollars just for a quarter page add in one magazine. Certainly not enough eyeballs to build a foundation for a business on.Good old fashion sweat and fingers typing at 2:00am while kids and hubby are sleeping is a way to go. Exhausting yes….but can reach out all over the world. The more you put in the more you can benefit.Getting to people who are editors is due to social networking. I would not know about a “Haro” or a “Pitchrate” if had not been for social networking online….so the flame grows and one’s visibilty can grow with work.In the past 4 years….I have social networked and blogs including…facebook….Linkedin…..myspace……Blogger…..LiveJournal….Obesity.com…..diabetesdaily…….twitter….twittermoms…..BlogTalkRadio…..Obesitydiscussions…MomtoMom chat…..Babyfit….etc….these are all wonderful communities filled with hard working ladies all willing to reach out. Hear the music…feel the beat and Never Stop Movin’ in your body and in your life.
M
Are Your Beliefs Setting You Up for Unhappiness?19712Are Your Beliefs Setting You Up for Unhappiness?Each of us holds core beliefs about life. These belief systems have an incredible impact on our ability to be happy in life because they have a tendency to create expectations that all too often leave us feeling disappointed, resentful or angry. By uncovering these core beliefs, many of them sub-conscious, we can examine their validity and thereby save ourselves from much self-imposed unhappiness.

For example, I may hold a belief that people should be kind to one another. Conceptually this is a good idea. The world would be a better place if we were all kind with one another. The problem arises when we go on to expect people to be kind to each other. This is what is known as an unenforceable expectation. In other words, we cannot enforce that expectation on others. We do not have that kind of control and more importantly, not everyone holds that same belief or is capable of being kind. Sometimes people are kind and sometimes they are not. That just happens to be the truth. By expecting kindness, we set ourselves up to be disappointed, angry or resentful when our expectation is not met.

It is the difference in a perspective that states this is the way that life is supposed to be versus this is the way life actually is. I may feel that life should be fair and of course when life isn’t, I will be sorely upset. Reality states that life is not always fair and even though I might be able to state intellectually, I still hold onto the belief that states the contrary.

What are some of the central beliefs that set us up? Our beliefs are predicated on the phrase should be’. That in and of itself speaks volumes! So life should be fair, easy, happy, meaningful, abundant and go according to plan. People should be kind, empathetic, supportive, nurturing, understanding, joyful, loving and truthful. Children should not get terminally sick and suffer. Peace and love should prevail. Governments should be just. Politicians should not lie and cheat. People should be tolerant. Freedom should be available to all of the earth’s inhabitants.

You may say that you aren’t so nave. Maybe yes, maybe no. but think about it. Examine the last time you became really upset. Could there have been a belief underneath that contributed to the upset. Here’s a simple instance: I get tremendously upset because my daughter does not keep her room clean. Actually, it’s a mess. It doesn’t matter how many times I remind her. So why do I get so upset when reality states that teenagers are slobs?

One, I have a core belief in cleanliness and order. That’s the way I do things and that’s the way I expect things to be done in my home. Secondly, I am resisting reality: teens are not neat. Its inherent in the species. My core belief is not in sync with her core belief or reality for that matter. My expectations result in upset.

Happily, there is a solution. I accept the fact that what I expect is not to be. I establish an agreement taking into account my needs and hers as well. Once a week she cleans the room and if it doesn’t meet my standards, so be it. It is better than beating my head against a brick wall.

Our core beliefs are not facts of life. They are just our personal beliefs. Just because I believe that friends should be loyal does not mean they will be. Sometimes they won’t. I need to get that as a condition of being alive. It all goes back to accepting the true nature of life versus how we believe life should be. It will save you much grief. Its yet another step in learning acceptance.