Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Not

Pain is a natural experience. It is the inward expression of something not working. Whether it is a stress headache or broken heart, the tenderness is the body’s response to a need for healing.

So while pain is often unavoidable, suffering through the sting is a choice. With the headache, you have the option to endure the pain or you can take something to alleviate it. You don’t have to function during your day with a throbbing, pounding head.

Unfortunately, there is no medication to lessen the pain of a broken heart or dream. Yet that does not mean you have to suffer through it. With emotional pain, the suffering occurs when there is a gap between the reality of what is and the belief about what should be’.

To decrease the suffering, you can change the reality of your situation or you can alter the shoulds’- the beliefs and expectations you carry around that create obstacles to your accepting the truths. Thoughts likeHe should agree with me orShe should appreciate what I do. Yes, in a perfect world, these things would happen for us, but we don’t live in the ideal. We live in the real.

Fooling ourselves with wishful fantasies sets us up for an impossible battle that can only end in disappointment. Instead we need to see the truth without the cloud of expectation. Eliminate theshould in the idea and determine if the statement is true. Take the example,He should agree with me. Think about it- should he really agree with you? On every issue? What happens when he doesn’t? What happens if he did? What would you do if you didn’t have this thought?

When you turnaround those beliefs and see how they interfere with your acceptance of the reality, then the thoughts lose their control over you. You regain your power and can step into the light.

So we ask you, what shoulds’ are getting in your way? What beliefs do you hold onto that prevent you from seeing the reality of the situation and moving on in your healing and life?

Renee Cooper is the co-founder and coach of One Journey Consulting, a coaching practice in Wayland, MA, dedicated to personal growth and rediscovery through significant life transitions. More information can be found at http://OneJourneyConsulting.com.