Is Your Relationship Stuck?

There are times in the life of a long term relationship when you feel stuck. This doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship; long term relationships have a natural ebb and flow to their energy. Most people don’t really understand that, and as the energy in the relationship ebbs, they fear that the end is near. This can create a self-fulfilling prophesy; as you feel stuck in the relationship, you can begin to look for what’s wrong instead of what’s right. Little things he does begin to really bug you, and you become less attracted to him.

How can you pull yourself out of this downward spiral? How do you know when you should try? My fast answer to the second question is that every relationship, unless it’s physically or emotionally abusive, deserves a second chance. Most likely, your partner has no idea how you’re really feeling. If he knew, chances are he would want to do something to help improve the relationship.

Here are some simple steps to give your relationship the opportunity to pull up out of its nose dive.

1. Spend a couple of hours alone with a journal to contemplate and write about your feelings. What kinds of things are you really telling yourself about the relationship? Bringing them into the light by writing them down can help you get clear on what’s bothering you.

2. Commit to doing something to help yourself. Commit to going to the gym five days a week, meditating for fifteen minutes every day, or eating better. It’s important to give this commitment to yourself in order to validate your own importance. Often, women lose themselves in their relationships; this step can help you find your self again.

3. Speak up. It’s not easy, but if you really want to improve the relationship, you have to clearly state your needs. It’s best to do this when you’re both relaxed, and to frame the conversation inI sentences. If you start the conversation by saying,You never clean up after yourself oryou’re too absorbed with work and don’t pay me any attention you’re more likely to shut him down than open a dialogue.

4. Offer concrete suggestions for improvement. If you don’t feel appreciated, name a few specific things he can do to show appreciation. Men are doers, not thinkers. I mean no disrespect here, their brains are just wired differently than ours (and of course, there are exceptions to every rule). Their ideas for how to show appreciation might not mean much to you. If you’re taking it this far, you might as well ask for exactly what you want.

5. Be consistent. You can’t expect to have one talk magically improve a relationship that’s been going downhill for months or years. Be consistent with your self-care, and be consistent in requesting to get your needs met. Change isn’t easy for most people. Left to our own devices, we’ll revert back to old behaviors. Given gentle, consistent reminders, we can navigate change more graciously.

6. Make time each week to connect with your partner. Life gets busy, especially with kids. Commit to spending some time alone together every week, even if it’s for twenty minutes over coffee on Sunday morning. Use this time to check in with how you’re feeling about each other and the relationship. By consciously connecting to each other as partners, you’ll deepen your connection, which will help when times get tough.

Johanna Lyman is an Abundance Coach, Channel for Divine Love and Wisdom, and an Intuitive Healer. She is the author of the Messenger Mini Book, Attracting Abundance: Four Powerful Practices to Align Your Life With Your Life’s Purpose. She can be reached at Johanna@johannalyman.com or 774-262-4211. www.johannalyman.com