The Honeymoon

We all seem to think that we need to find our perfect mate or soul mate. But does a perfect mate even exist and, if so, does this mean that the only way to be happy is to find this perfect soul mate? What if you don’t? What if you spend your entire life looking, only to end up alone in your fantasy delusion because you didn’t find him/her? Are we really searching for fantasy in our relationships?

To some degree, I think most of us have bought into the fairytale myth that we will find Prince or Princess Charming and AUTOMATICALLY live happily ever after. This belief in fantasy, soul mates, and the perfect partner, are all contributors to being unhappy and dissatisfied in our marriages. We want the fantasy mate and most relationships begin with perfect bliss with the perfect partner. But when this fantasy starts to fade into reality after the first 6 months of a relationship, we’re disappointed, try desperately to keep the fantasy alive by sweeping disagreements under the rug, or start looking elsewhere for that perfect mate.

But the perfect mate really doesn’t existexcept in our fantasies. Our fantasies are always more compelling than our reality that can become boring, repetitive, filled with logistics, bills, jobs and dirty dishes. Fantasy is filled with feelings of being on top of the world, of things coming to us easily, of soaring, and feeling our hearts are full of love 24/7. Who wouldn’t choose fantasy over reality and hold onto it as long as we can?

So, how do we get over this desire for fantasy, the desire to feel that in love feeling ALL the time? How do we make a REAL marriage work and simultaneously keep the love alive when reality of the everyday chores, struggles, and inconsistencies of our partner sets in? Here are 7 truths to remember about REAL marriages when the fantasy turns into reality:

1. Real marriages are based on a solid foundation of mutual love, respect, and an understanding of differences in your partner. It is based on two people being balanced in their individual strength and their ability to share and connect with their partner.

2. Real marriages are able to handle the hard aspects of life through open communication and realistic expectations.

3. Real marriages are based on two WHOLE people enhancing each other, rather than two people EXPECTING their partner to complete them: filling in their weak spots, rescuing them, or taking care of them at their own expense.

4. Real marriages are two people who know they are human and, therefore, know that everyone makes mistakes and likewise exhibits tolerance for this humanness.

5. Real marriages are based on the deep knowledge that it’s a give and take from both partners. They know themselves and take responsibility for their actions, rather than projecting onto their partner who they feel their partner should be.

6. Real marriages are about companionship, appreciating your partner’s differences and uniqueness, and knowing that love is deeper than only sexual desire and feeling madly in love all the time.

7. Real marriages are about knowing and loving yourself so that you don’t need a fantasy partner or a perfect mate to complete your life. You instead need a partner who enhances your life and adds to it.

Lasting, REAL marriages are based on a solid foundation of honesty, respect, and love love, not in the fantasy sense that the Prince or Princess saves me, but love based on a deep knowledge of yourself and your partner.In love the paradox occurs that two become one and yet remain two. When we follow the above 7 truths about a REAL marriage, we can enjoy the reality of our deepening union more than any fantasy we could imagine!

Sharon M. Rivkin, author of The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and conflict resolution and affairs expert. Sharon is also the developer of theFirst Argument Technique, a groundbreaking, three-step method that heals and saves relationships. She has been in private practice for 28 years in Santa Rosa, California, and her work has been featured in several national magazines and websites including O: The Oprah Magazine, Reader’s Digest, Yahoo.com, and Dr.Laura.com. Sharon is an experienced public speaker, has appeared on television, and makes regular radio appearances across the U.S. For more information, visit www.sharonrivkin.com.
The Honeymoon18837The Honeymoonwww.a-dreamwedding.com

Be alert to pitches foroff season discounts. In some destinationsoff season really means hurricane season. Robbin Montero

Generally thought to be the mosthoneyed time of a couple’s marriage, the honeymoon is certainly one of the most romantic trips you and your spouse will ever take. With careful planning, you will have many treasured memories of this occasion.

I highly recommend using the services of an experienced travel agent. Not only will you get the best prices, but most agents have traveled extensively and can easily provide first-hand information such as which countries are not in good standing with the United States, relevant current laws of the country, and what to pack. Most important, travel agents can insulate you from problems that commonly arise in self-booking.

Brides and grooms should agree in advance on the desired attributes for a perfect honeymoon. Decide whether you want warm or cold weather, active or relaxed recreation, a foreign country or a cruise, or perhaps an all-inclusive resort package. Verify the climate of the desired location during the time of year when you’ll be traveling.

Making Reservations
Be alert to pitches foroff season discounts. In some destinationsoff season really means hurricane season. When looking to save money on travel, I do not recommend
red-eye specials. They appear cost-effective, can easily throw off your sleep pattern and significantly reduce your overall enjoyment of the trip.

When making reservations, ask the travel agent about honeymoon specials or discounts. Some locations will provide newlyweds with perks, such as an upgraded room, a bottle of champagne, or a gift basket upon arrival. Your agent will ensure you receive them.

If you travel outside the United States, a passport or visa may be required. Apply well in advance so you will have it in time. Inquire of your travel agent about the need for shots or vaccinations before traveling to your chosen destination. Moreover, if renting a car, check all possible driving permits and ensure that the reservation is booked in your unmarried name, or the name that appears on your passport. Your married name will not yet be recorded on any legal papers, and all documents need to match the passport name. Finally, purchase travel insurance for your baggage.

Packing
Traveling light is fine, but don’t overlook crucial items. Make a list of necessary items to pack, such medications, antacids or digestive aids, birth control pills, sunscreen and eyeglasses. For cruises, carry motion sickness medication or wear a patch. Antiseptic wipes help prevent spread of germs when you can’t wash your hands regularly. Take a credit card, travelers’ checks, phone cards, and a cell phone if your carrier offers international travel service.

Utilize a carry-on for the plane that contains a change of clothes, your medicines, and eyeglasses, just in case your luggage gets lost. Ensure that your passport, visa and identification are secure on your person, along with plane tickets and hotel confirmations.

Pack sightseeing information and any appropriate foreign language translation books. Bring a camera, plenty of film and a camcorder. Think of photo-ops!

Foreign Travel Precautions
Ask your travel agent to provide the address and telephone number of the American embassy in any foreign country you visit. Take the information with you and leave copies with family at home. Before leaving, provide your family with an itinerary of where you will be staying, location telephone numbers, and the name and number of your travel agent. Make a copy of your passport and leave it with family in case you lose the original while abroad.

Once at your destination, be careful what and where you eat. Avoid street vendors and wash your hands or use antiseptic wipes frequently. If yours will be an extended stay, it is courteous to check in with your family and let them know you are safe.

Following these suggestions will help minimize any problems that could arise. Happy honeymoon.

Stress Free, Leave the Details to Me, is the tried and true philosophy of Robbin Montero, California Wine Country wedding planning expert and owner of A Dream Wedding. Robbin is the premier wedding planner in the Northern California Wine Country, transforming any vision into the perfectly designed wedding creation. Robbin and her weddings have been featured in The Knot, Brides, Elite Magazine, Your Wedding Day and Vine Napa/Sonoma magazines, and ImportantOccasions.com. Travel & Leisure magazine calls Robbin,The expert wedding planner in the California Wine Country. For more information visit www.a-dreamwedding.com.

2009 Robbin Montero
This article cannot be reprinted without Robbin Montero’s expressed written permission.