Keep Your Guy By Letting Him Sleep Around!?!!

A few nights ago, we watchedMr. Magorium’s Magical Emporium with Dustin Hoffman and Natalie Portman. It’s a fun and light family movie with a wonderful message. I won’t give away the plot or ending, however at one point in the movie, Dustin Hoffman (Mr. Magorium) smiled and said to Natalie (who at the time was going through a big life transition)Your life is an occasion; rise to it. This got me thinking about how Smart Women know this well.

If you think about the wordoccasion, what comes up for you? For me, anoccasion means a special or important time, a celebration or ceremony. When I wake up on the day of an important occasion, I feel a quiet excitement insideanticipation about how this special time in my life will unfold. Don’t get me wrong. If I’m in charge of the
occasion like planning a family member’s birthday party or some other big event, there’s some anxiety that goes along with theoccasion.

Do you ever wake up in the morning thinking of your life as a celebration or a day that’s special? I typically need a strong cup of black coffee before I can think about anything in the morning and with a busy family in tow and a vision for my business that seems to never stop, some days can be more of a challenge than a celebration! However, I’m working on adjusting my attitude to reflect more of a celebration in my life and making each day feel special.

How am I going to do that? I’ve been spending some quiet peaceful time over the last few days asking myself a few questions on how I can make my life more of an “occasion” each day. I want to live my life fully and with no regrets. I want to (hopefully!) teach my children and the people around me to do the same. Here are a few questions I’ve been asking myself lately:

1. What do I want? That’s a big question isn’t it? So simple and yet so enormous. It’s a great question to ask yourself if you’re curious about your life, your future and your legacy. Your life is defined by the choices you make along the way. I invite you to get some paper, a favorite pen and the beverage of your choice and sit in a spot that’s peaceful and quiet where you can really get in touch with your internal voiceyour soul. Take a deep breathe, ask the question and then write whatever pops into your mind. A word of caution; don’t censor your answers. Try and avoid judgments.

After you finish this, you can go on with the n ext question which is:

2. Is what I’m currently doing in alignment with what I want in my life? We can say we want something but if we don’t actually take the right action steps to make it happen, it will most likely never materialize or come to fruition. If I want to get in better physical shape or take my business to the next level, I have to ask myself if the current daily, weekly and monthly action steps will eventually get me to the place I want to be.

Take a look at your current life. Does it match up to what you want? If so, bravo! You are on your way. If not, then you need to ask yourself the next question:

3. What are the changes I need to make to get what I want? This can sometimes be the most challenging part of the process. Why? If you’re willing to acknowledge that change needs to take place in order for you to have more of what you want in your life, then you must contemplate taking the next step which is actually making the desired changes to get you on course and moving in the right direction. A wise mentor once shared with me that change does not always mean success, but success always means change.

In the movie, Natalie Portman struggled a bit with this process but in the end, it was accessing her own internal voice and her belief that helped her to begin a new life journey toward achieving what she wanted in her life. I invite you to get in touch with your internal voice. Allow her to come out and into your life. It will surely be a specialoccasion.

Anything is possible. Everything is waiting for you.

*****
2010 Joy Chudacoff

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Joy Chudacoff, ICF, PCC, is the founder of Smart Women Smart Solutions, a Professional Certified Coach to 1000′s of women, Motivational Speaker, and Entrepreneur. She publishes a weekly buzz generating ezine, Reflections On Life and Business for Women Entrepreneurs. If you’re ready take your life and your business to the next level, get your FREE Tips, 2 FREE Reports and FREE MP3 now at http://www.CreatingTheSpark.com .

Keep Your Guy By Letting Him Sleep Around!?!!20768Keep Your Guy By Letting Him Sleep Around!?!! Negotiated infidelity. That’s the subject ofSugarbabe by Holly Hill, an Australian former mistress turned author. Her premise: keep your guy faithful to your relationship by letting him be unfaithful to you. Hmmmm . . .
Call me old fashioned. Call me narrow-minded. But I’m not one teensy bit interested in giving my sweetheart the nod to break a sweat with other women. Ms. Hill postulates that guys will be guys and, thus, we women might as well stop fighting human nature. That’s a bit like saying it’s a dog’s nature to bite so why train your dog to have good manners.
I was an estate planning attorney for 20+ years before I morphed into a relationship coach. Clients never ceased to surprise me. For example, my client Byron was the quietest, least assuming man I knew. He and his equally unassuming wife Mavis, both in their mid-60′s, were the lastI’m not kidding, the VERY lastpeople I would have pegged as swingers. Sure nuff, they were. After Mavis died, Byron paid me a visit and I heard the whole story. Seems that he broke one of the cardinal rules of swingingnever get emotionally involved, it’s just sex. He and another woman fell for each other. Uh-oh. Complication! Well, he and Mavis worked it out but after Mavis died, Byron confided in and consulted with me because he was worried that the other woman might make some claim to his estate and he was rightfully concerned about his children having a peak at those still waters that had run so deep. I assured him it was unlikely, bade him good-bye, and sat in shocked silence, reminded once again to never judge a book by its cover. Byron’slapse demonstrates what to me is the issue in an open relationship or in what Ms. Hill describes asnegotiated infidelity. How do you eliminate the risk of emotional attachment to the person you’re casually schtupping? Ms. Hill says you have to have rules. Her boyfriend is allowed to have sex with other women but he isn’t allowed to spend the night or spoon with anyone but her, and he can’t take any schtuppee on romantic getaways. There are rules for swingers, too. But rules, as they say, are made to be brokenas Byron proved. Okay, if not made to be broken, then certainly too easily broken. What would Ms. Hill think if her sweetheart forgot, just for a minute or two, that he’s not supposed to spoon another woman? Would he then be guilty of cheating? I suppose so. Safe physical sex is easily addressed. Safe emotional sexnot so easy.

I’m going to keep an open mind. Having such an arrangement may work for some couples and if so, who am I to say they’re wrong. If Ms. Hill and her sweetheart can make it work, more power to them. But I’m afraid there’s heartache ahead for Ms. Hill.

In my experience, both personally and working with couples over the years, the most fulfilling, satisfying, rewarding, and connected relationships are those in which the two partners reserve themselvesphysically and emotionallyfor each other.

Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Speaker and Bestselling Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy available on Amazon and her website.