Negotiating The Rules With Your Teenager

Negotiating The Rules With Your Teenager

By: Joyce Jackson

We all know as parents that discussing and
negotiating the rules with our children is never easy. When they were younger,
“negotiating” was a series of, “Please, Please, Please, can we, Mom?” until we
relented. As they grew into elementary age children their skills became more
savvy in order to get what they wanted. As teenagers, the rules and restrictions
you put in place are just as important. However, their negotiating skills have
been honed to a fine degree.

What do you do, especially when every
decision you make has their safety and well being in mind? What do you do if
your decisions on their best interests just fall on deaf ears.

Teenagers, despite what they go through in their bodies, are all very
different. What might need to be a rule for one, may not even be an issue for
another. That being said, there are many parameters that we set as parents that
are the hard and fast rules. These are those rules with no “wiggle room.” These
are the rules we set forth to protect our child’s health, safety and well-being.
These rules and their consequences should be very clearly defined and it should
be understood by all involved that they are there for a very important reason
and that they are ‘all or nothing.’

Rules that keep our children safe
are of the utmost importance. These could include everything from teaching them
the rules of safe driving to teaching them how to be safer online while on the
computer. Teenagers, just like younger children, need to understand these rules
are to be followed to the letter and there is no room for negotiation in any
rule of personal safety.

Safety rules for teens also include
expectations about drinking, the use of illegal drugs, or safe defensive
driving. These rules are imperative their health, well-being and safety. There
should be no room for experimentation or relaxing the rules in specific social
situations.

While safety rules comprise the ones that are
non-negotiable, there is plenty of room here with other rules that can be fairly
and equitably negotiated with your teenager. It’s a good idea to do so. Rules
regarding how many hours per week can be spent on video games, what time a child
is expected home for dinner, what time each night homework is to be completed,
or how late a weekend curfew is are all rules that can be discussed openly and
honestly between you and your child.

Just make sure they are consistent.
Allowing 11 p.m. one weekend and then telling your teenager 9:30 p.m. the
following weekend night when going out with the same group of friends is a
disaster for you waiting to happen. Discipline, as well, needs to be even
distributed and followed by you, too, perhaps more importantly than applying the
rules. Consequences should be consistent, fair, and always followed through.

A consistent and fair set of rules that are more of an agreement between
you and your teenager are better for all concerned that rules set by you that
they are ordered to follow.

Author Resource:- Joyce Jackson is a child
safety expert #1 bestselling author, consultant, speaker and trainer. For her
extensive website and information see Keeping Kids Safe.

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