Being a baby daddy doesn’t make you a DAD

As we celebrate Father’s Day this year it is important to remember for the first time ever in the United States the number of single parent homes is 51 percent. That means the majority of children are growing up with one primary care-taker, often the woman. I am concerned. Many of those homes have no father and limited resources. Many of those homes have what is called aBaby Daddy. This means the man may not want to raise the child, he may not have completed high school, or he may be too immature to be invested in anyone’s life but his own. This has nothing to do with sex, love, or being a victim. This has to do with anattitude that women can raise healthy balanced children without a dad.

As a woman, I embrace the fact that I can be gentle, warm, firm, and independent. I embrace the fact that I can be knowledgeable, capable, and a primary breadwinner. However, I cannot embrace the myth that I can be a mom and dad to my child. Nor can I embrace the myth that my child doesn’t need a dad. Every child deserves a dad. We tell ourselves all kinds of things when we feel guilty or defensive about something we have done or choose to do. One of the current things our society is telling us is that if you don’t find a good man to marry and start a family with, you can do it on your own. We are women after all and we can do everything and anything. WRONG, LADIES! We cannot be afather. Likewise, ababy daddy is not a father. Fathers are created by their children, and it comes from a deeper place than a title. Below are a few reasons I have listed your child needs a father:

1. Fathers are engaged with their children and demonstrate love to them. They do thelittle things with them and the child begins to see that they matter not only to mom, but to dad. Kids that grow up with this understanding have healthier self esteem and are better at bonding with males.

2. Having a father makes you feel protected and safe. We are seeing a rise in anxiety disorders. This is partly due to kids growing up confused about where there dad is, who their mom or dad are dating, and not feeling like theirreal dad is engaged in their life. Dad’s presence is very important in demonstrating security.

3. Fathers play with their kids. Kids learn that this same person who plays with them can also be firm with them when they need it. Dad’s enjoy play (rough play especially) more than mom’s. Kids not only LOVE this, they need it.

4. Kids grow up feeling more valued in families where a father is engaged and in their life.

5. Fathers who are involved with their children help prevent teen pregnancy. A daughter doesn’t need to act out to get male attention. She has it from her father and has nothing to prove to herself or others.

6. Kids who grow up with engaged fathers are less likely to commit suicide.

7. Fathers’ presence offers their children another person to turn to when needing help or advice. Men’s perspective is different from women’s and kids need to hear both from someone who is invested in their wellbeing.

8. Kids who grow up with a father engaged in their life do better academically.

9. When a child has an engaged Father, moms are less stressed with having to deal and do everything by themselves.

10. A loving father loves mom and shows the children what respect and love for a woman looks like. Children watch more than they listen. They learn by their models.

Sometimes children end up in a family where the dad did not understand the importance of his role. Moms may react out of hurt and pain and limit the child’s exposure to dad. In cases where there is abuse or addiction this may be a wise choice. However, it is always important to remind your child of the good things about their dad. If you cannot recall any then it is always best to not say anything. Your child will figure it out. I listen to kids every day. I hear their dreams and wishes. Most kids love their father, and most kids want him in their life. If your child got a dad that wasn’t really afather make sure you expose them to a positive male role model. Fathers are too important in your child’s life to disregard. Mary Jo Rapini

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com