Let Life Help You Raise Your Children
As a mother, your job is to prepare your children to be successful adults. To do that, you must teach them what to expect from the world around them and how to respond to whatever situations they encounter. Protecting your children is counter-productive to your responsibility as a parent. Allowing life to be a part of your children’s childhood will give them experience that will prepare them for adulthood more effectively than sheltering them will.
When my son, Kyle, was about a year old, he was outside while his dad prepared the grill for dinner. Suddenly, they came rushing in, Kyle crying in his dad’s arms.I told him it was hot, his dad told me, but he touched it anyway. That was the day that Kyle learned whathot means. From that day on, one warning ofhot was all Kyle needed to keep his distance. His burn was not serious, and the lesson he learned that day never had to be repeated.
How do you turn anincident into a lesson? Let’s look at this scenario: your son chases a ball into the street as a car comes down the block, and he doesn’t heed your screams to stop. When the car screeches to a halt and you get your son safely back in your yard, let the fear, the shock, and the adrenaline rush be the lesson about his dangerous actions. Save any anger you’re feeling about him not listening to you for another time. While learning to follow your instructions is important, the bigger lesson here is the one life can teach him. Don’t try to override that lesson, but make yourself a part of it by expressing your own fear and the tremendous relief you feel that he was not hurt. Let him cry and share his own feelings; don’t dilute their impact by burying them under ayou should have listened to me diatribe. It will not be necessary for you to underscore the lesson, and that lesson will be more effective if you allow it to stand on its own.
This principle holds true for less traumatic situations. If your daughter is upset by a low grade on a school assignment, talking to the teacher, making excuses, and insisting your daughter be given a higher grade or more time to finish her work changes this lesson this way:
Life’s Lesson: A positive outcome is determined by following instructions, meeting deadlines, and doing your best work.
Mom’s Lesson: A positive outcome is determined by how well Mom performs and is unrelated to how much effort you put forth.
No school grade is so important in the grand scheme of your child’s life that it should override lessons learned while earning it. If your teenager forgets his coat and spends the day miserably cold, he’ll be more likely to wear it the next day, but if you insist that he wear a jacket, you will probably have to remind him everyday, and the lesson you present is that he doesn’t need to consider the weather when getting dressed, because you will tell him when to wear a coat (and then he may refuse to wear it, just to prove to you he doesn’t need one).
Life teaches the most effective lessons to all of us, and most of us learn best from our mistakes. Giving your children the opportunity to make mistakes and absorb their lessons is the best education you can provide them. Trust life. Allow life to teach its lessons to your children. You’ll be giving them the best possible preparation for adulthood that a parent can provide.
Shellee Allison
DFW Shirts, Inc.
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