Get Him Involved!

Getting your fiance involved with planning your wedding!

The fiance, he purchased the ring, thought about the way in which he
would propose, asked the question, and now it’s your turn to do the
rest! Hold on a moment, he has opinions as well. Why not ask him a few
questions? You may be surprised to discover that he too has dreamed of
this special day for a long time. He may have a thing of two that he is
passionate about having included on his special day!

Here are a few guide lines and questions that are guaranteed to keep
the lines of communication open, the excitement alive and the bickering
to a minimum.

First, remember that Diana Spencer and Charles Mountbatten
-Windsor did not get to have their wedding their way. Lady Diana
Spencer and Prince Charles were required to plan their wedding based on
age old English tradition that does not bend, sway nor compromise.

Second, establish one ground rule. You talk to your parents, he talks
to his parents. Remember, blood is thicker than water and marriage
combines two completely different families. Each with an established,
unique set of customs, protocol, values, expectations, traditions,
desires, morals, opinions and yes unwarranted, unsolicited advice.

After this one rule is implemented, the information gathering
can begin. Each of you should have a pad of paper and pen for notes. If
you are going to ask him these questions, you need to have already
gathered this information from your family and be prepared and LISTEN!

Allow him to answer the question(s) BEFORE you give him your answers.
Men have the socially accepted mindset that once they ask the
questionthey just show up on the day of the wedding. Give him the
opportunity to share his answer first. Encourage him to make notes so
he can talk with his mother. She is, after all, letting go of her son,
just as your father is letting go of you!

What time of year do you want to get married? Will this work with
your family? (Friday night and Sunday weddings can cost less. Remember
weather conditions, school calendars, other family/friend weddings)

What time of day would you like to get married?

Indoor or outdoor ceremony? What church? How will your family feel about this?

How many groomsmen were you thinking about? (tell him how many ladies you were thinking about having)
> Ushers (it is acceptable to have the groomsmen usher)

Will I be expected to have your sisters as bridesmaids?

Do you want to include flower girls or ring bearers? If so who were you thinking about?

Is there a song that you would like to have played at the ceremony?
(think outside the box when it comes to wedding music see note)

Ask him about the religious depth of his family? (this may surprise you)

Will your grandparents be involved in the processional if so who will escort them?

Do you have a family member that will read or sing?

Are there particular flowers that you like? (seasonal blooms are readily available and less expensive see note).

Is there a style or type of food that you were thinking about? (buffet is not always less expensive)

Do you have a cake preference? Do you want a grooms cake (see note)

How many people are you thinking of inviting? (if one of the 3 below
does not meet the quota DO NOT split the difference this will cause
conflict)
> A good rule of thumb 300 (if you know the guest count will be smaller work with 75 , 50 etcetera)
- your family gets 100
- his family gets 100
- the two of you get 100
>
Remember this number when you secure your reception venue. It is not
good to have a venue that seats 175 and you have a guest list of 300

Music at the ceremony/reception thoughts or ideas? DJ or Band?
> Will you want to light a unity candle? If so do you want music? If so what song?
> What song will you dance to with your mom?
> What song will you and I dance to as husband and wife?

Do you have particular colors you would like for our wedding?

What would you like to give to the guys in the wedding party?

What would you like to give as guest favors?

Will you want to send out Save the Date cards? (do this at least six months prior to your wedding date if possible)

Do you want to mention your parent’s names to appear on the
invitations? (you need to clear this with your family prior to asking.
If both sets of parents will contribute financially to the wedding both
sets are included).

Will your mother want to send out rehearsal dinner invitations?
(traditionally the rehearsal dinner is hosted and paid for by the
groom’s parents. The guest list includes the bride, groom and both sets
of parents and grandparents, siblings and their partners or spouses,
the officiant and his spouse, as well as the wedding party members not
their dates/spouses (the flower girl and ring bearer are invited with
their parents). As well as any readers or singers)

Where do you want to have rehearsal dinner? Please talk with your mother about this.

Where do you want to honeymoon?

Will your parents be contributing money to the wedding? If so how much?

How much do you want to budget for the wedding?

The last question is the most important if not the most critical
question to get answered immediately. It is suggested that you do not
make a FINAL decision about guest lists, venues, food, dresses,
transportation, nothing wedding related until you know exactly how much
money is available to spend.

This is a brief list of questions that will come up in the process of
planning your wedding. It is our desire to give you a few tricks of the
trade that we’ve created in our 15 plus years of wedding planning.

Remember wedding celebrations bring high emotional stakes ?