Business Owners: Four steps to help you truly make time for yourself…and how that benefits your business AND your life

Waxing poetic on the subject of love and marriage, Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet said, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness. Gibran is not suggesting that couples take an occasional breather from each other (although that might be a good idea, too). In beautiful, lyrical language Gibran reminds us not to lose ourselves in our relationship, but to maintain our individuality, and that by doing so we are stronger as a couple.

The passage includes this, And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart . . . I would happily trade a valuable body part for the ability to write like Gibran but no one has offered that deal so I’m stuck with elaborating in my far less lyrical way.Togetherness is not about being joined at the hip.Togetherness is about the emotional and mental bond that connects you and, like the pillars of the temple, supports your relationship even when you are physically separated. It’s the reservoir of strength you draw on when you need to be strong. It’s the hand at your back when you need encouragement. It’s the well of confidence you tap into when your self-belief wavers.

The Gibran passage goes on,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each others shadow.”Togetherness is not about being each others clone. It’s the freedom to be who you are without fear of losing love. It’s permission to make mistakes, change and grow. It’s willingness to learn at each others knee.
Togetherness is the cornerstone of emotional intimacy and when you experience unadulterated togetherness, it’s akin to being in a state of grace.

So, look, the next time you’re about to make some snarky comment to your sweetie, or let loose with a piece of your mind, or turn a cold shoulder, or go to that he’s-such-a-jerk or she’s-such-a-witch place, orforget to keep a promise, or shrug off your partner’s wishes, or, well, you get the picture, ask yourself if what you’re about to say or do will put a chink in yourtogetherness. Too many chinks and you’ll slip right intoaloneness and that sucks. Protect and honor yourtogetherness by being thoughtful, kind, loving, generous, supportive, understanding and, well, you get the picture here, too.

From Gibran . . .

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each others keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each others shadow.”

From me. . .

Togetherness. It’s way cool. Go for it.

Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Amazon Bestselling Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, and speaker. Her book is available through her website, Amazon and other booksellers.

Business Owners: Four steps to help you truly make time for yourself…and how that benefits your business AND your life19799Business Owners: Four steps to help you truly make time for yourself…and how that benefits your business AND your lifeSelf- care and me-time are simply not indispensable. In fact, making time for yourself is actually an essential ingredient if you want to thrive in your life and your business.
Here are four steps to creating time for yourself and the benefits they can lead to in your business and your life:

1.Examine your mindset about me-time. Are you still struggling with an inner critic who tells you that self care is a pie-in-the-sky luxury? If you want to truly make time for yourself, it’s essential to stop thinking of (and treating) me-time as something that’s nice-if-you-can-get-to-it and start approaching it as a necessity and a priority. Remember, the time you invest in yourself is time invested in LEADING your life (and your business) instead of chasing along behind it.

2.Identify what you need. What DO you need to be you at your best? In my Emotional Eating Toolbox program, I call these non-negotiable. Many women who have let self care drop off their radar haven’t thought about this in a very long time. Make a list and include everything you can think offrom vitamins to physical activity, to sex and laughter, reading and consistent time off (just to give you a few ideas).

Give yourself enough time to be creative and expansive here. Now examine your list.

Where are you consistently feeding your spirit and where do you need to invest more time and energy?

When you are well-fueled and at your best you bring more energy, zest, and purpose to the work that you do.

You will be less tempted by unhealthy substitutes like stress eating or mindless time wasting that just leave you feeling morebehind.

Many women find that simply having clarity about what they need and where they want to spend their energy leads to better stress management more effective action in business and in life.

3. Find your energy leaks and fix them.

If you are short on me-time than you are probably also spending your time and energy spinning your wheels because you are not well fueled. When we’re tired, stressed, or overworked, we don’t tend to be very productive.

However, busy business owners often keep forging ahead (because there isso much to do!). They tend to stay inaction that gets progressively less effective. This leads to time and energy that gets frittered away. To find possible energy leaks, ask yourself what you do when you are too tired to beproductive. Many women who don’t have enough hours in the day alsolose time micromanaging their email, their social media accounts, and other tasks that take whatever time you give them.

Be sure to look for time and energy leaks at the end of the day too. Does yourdown time really rejuvenate you? What if you did something really lovely for yourself instead? We know that workers who take regular breaks are more productive and enjoy their work more. Try scheduling 15 minutes of time for yourself (using the list you created above) several times a day.

4. Put it on the calendar. If you are struggling with step number one, this may be a difficult step for you too, but by all means don’t skip it.

You are a resourceful, high-achieving business owner. You know that for something to happen there has to be a space for it to occur.

Leveraging the same skills and strengths that you use to grow your business is a must. Schedule your me-time and honor that appointment the way you would if it was with anybody else. When you value yourself and your time (instead of trying to wedge yourself in to an empty space that never occurs) it can create an important mind shift. Others pick up on the value you place on yourself.

As you show more respect for your time and energy, you may find that they do too.

Creating Me-time can be a challenge for many women juggling their own businesses and their busy lives, but doing so is more than a worthwhile investment.

##Are you a smart, busy woman struggling with emotional eating, overeating,and balancing work and life? Claim your free psychologist-designed audio series: “5 simple steps to move beyond overwhelm with food and life” at http://TooMuchOnHerPlate.com. Melissa McCreery, PhD, ACC, is a Psychologist, ICF Certified Life Coach,and emotional eating coach who specializes in providing smart resources to busy women struggling with food, weight and overwhelm.