Why Don’t You Understand: A Gender Relationship Dictionary

Janet, President and Chief Executive of this wonderful site, told me that authors should write about their books here and brag, brag, brag.

I’m not someone who automatically does everything I’m told to do, but this time, I most willingly will.

I do want to brag about my latest book, Why Don’t You Understand? A Gender Relationship Dictionary.A dictionary about gender? you may well question. Followed by another reasonable question,Is this another one of those Mars and Venus books?

Here’s a reasonable answer No. This dictionary lists 80 words that men and women use without realizing the meanings are different for each other. The most obvious one is Intimacy. Men mean the act of intercourse (most of the time) and women mean emotional connection (most of the time). But, since we know what each means, it doesn’t cause a problem.

But, suppose you did not know and you are with a man you really care about, so you say, I’d like to become more intimate with you. And, he then starts taking his clothes off. You can see in this simplistic example that when you aren’t aware of the different meanings, it can be problematic.

This dictionary, though, has 79 other words, many that are not at all obvious. For instance, the very Purpose of Conversation is different. This alone causes huge conflicts (and/or hurt) when the woman is talking and thinks the man isn’t interested because he doesn’t respond.

Then, there’s Silence and Questions, and even something we think understandable like Nagging. Oh, don’t forget Advice. Again, for each of these, we assume the man knows what we mean, and we know what he means, only to have a ordinary conversation turn into an argument. Or, you get hurt and feel resentful at how he is treating you.

As a marriage and family therapist for 39 years, I can tell you that I have found that a minimum of 60% of relationship problems result from men and women not realizing their words have different meanings.

Think about this: Have you ever been resentful that he doesn’t really listen to you? Or Hurt and confused when he just walks out of the room in the middle of an argument. Or, you are having a typical day and he says or does something that hurts you to the quick?

All of these examples, and loads more, can be explained, with solutions for getting past these misunderstandings.

Go look at a few examples, and you’ll see why you need to get this book for yourself, your sisters, your best friends even your mother.

(Men need to read this too, but they are less likely to buy it. Xerox a particular word/definition and have them read that. It’s a great beginning to a very meaningful conversation.)

Oh, almost forgot, the dictionary also includes practice exercises with these ordinary conversations that go awry. And, even better, it includes examples of a Good Argument (yes, this is crucial for all healthy relationships, with the emphasis ongood), with steps that help you plan your own.

Get this dictionary before your next argument!