Overcoming the Damaging Effects of Rape

Rape. It’s a loaded word. For a long time after it happened, I couldn’t say the word. Saying it would make it real. I didn’t want it to be real. I didn’t want to admit it happened. So I buried it. Told no one and tried to move forward with my life.

I acomplished many wonderful things; returned to school, got my degree, even got on the dean’s honor list……But a part of me was crippled, captive to the shame and fear and feelings of worthlessness that had become a part of me.

I struggled to be with people and I couldn’t let them look in my eyes…if they did I was sure they would see the horrible bad person I was. I worked helping other – offering support and encouragment and compassion but to myself – I took out my anger – shoving needles in my arms, refusing to eat and throwing up if I ate even a small bite of food and cutting my arms and legs to relieve the build of tension inside me.

Then last year, God did touched me. He opened doors to what I had thought was buried so deep. He brought connections into my life