5 things men do that upset women and what to do about them

Why is it that men just don’t get it? There are certain behaviors that they repeatedly do at home that just drive women up the wall. And why do women let it bother them so much? In an attempt to help both sexes, here is some advice for men and women to perhaps reduce the top five conflicts at home.

1. The first way men drive their wives or significant others to the boiling point is when they consistently leave the house a mess. Whether there is a gene in the male biology or a visual block in their retinas, most men can walk right by the socks they dropped on the floor, the toys the kids left all over the house, the leaves they dragged in when they came in from outside or the ring he left on the counter when he put his coffee cup down. What’s a loving couple to do?

How women can cope: first recognize that most men can tolerate considerably more disorder than women. They don’t get that you need to clean up because company is coming and they absolutely, positively, don’t understand why you have to straighten up before the cleaning service arrives. They need to be trained to see and to understand it matters to you. There are several approaches

a) Let it be a mess until even he can’t avoid it (practically impossible for a womanto do, however)

b) Clean up the really bad stuff and hire a service to clean your house weekly orbefore any major company is expected.

c) Just leave his stuff out and put your own and the kids away. When he runs outof socks in his drawer, he’ll figure it out

d) Make it fun. Clean wearing a bikini (or less) if he will help. It’s amazing how quickly they notice that.

How men can help:

a) Practice putting things where they belong. It takes time but just like learning tothrow a football, you can learn.

b) Get bins or boxes to throw your stuff into and cover them so it’s not so obvious

c) Absolutely, positively hire a cleaning service before your wife comes homefrom a long trip. You may think the house is clean but trust me, she won’t.

d) Buy her that bikini to wear for cleaning

Seriously, in the scheme of things, whether your house is clean or not shouldn’t be a reason for fighting. A little give and take on both sides can result in a reasonably clean home and a lot less frustration.

2. The second thing that men do that drives us crazy occurs when they are actually trying to help. They pitch in and do the laundry but. they leave it laundry in the machine for days or worse, they dry the jeans you told him twenty times never to put in the dryer.

How women can cope:

a) Keep your dry clean only or no dryer items in a separate laundry hamper or basket that he knows not to touch

b) Set the buzzer on the dryer to let you know when the laundry’s done (too bad more washers don’t have this).

c) Thank him for helping. He really did have your best interest at heart.

d) Leave the machine set for warm/cold water and use liquid detergent- that way even if he mixes colors most items will not run and they will still be clean.

How men can help :

a) Ask if there is anything that can’t go into the dryer or shouldn’t be washedbefore you start. It’s better not to do the laundry than to do it wrong. OR:READ THE LABELS- all clothes today say how they need to be cleaned. Ifthey say hang to dry or dry on low setting, best not to put them in the dryer.

b) Focus on folding and putting your things away. It’s hard to do that wrong and it is a big help as that saves a lot of time. When you see a load in the dryer, take it out and fold it. She will be delighted.

3. The third complaint I hear very often comes from young mothers who lament that their husbands never hear the kids in the middle of the night. It starts when they are babies but continues through the teenage years.

How women can cope

a) First of all, realize that men really don’t hear as well as women so they areactually sleeping. They don’t do it on purpose, they are just not programmedto nuture as women are.

b) If you are exhausted and you don’t have to be the one to get up (eg- not

breastfeeding), it is OK to shake your husband and ask him to take care of the issue.

c) Take a nap on the weekend or ask for one morning a weekend to sleep late. Trade off so he has the same opportunity.

How men can help

a) If you have a baby who gets up in the night, take over one feeding. If she isbreastfeeding and not pumping, then get the baby, diaper it, and bring it to her. Or if you can do the late evening feeding before you go to bed, she can get some sleep.

b) Make the weekend deal in c) above

c) If she had to get up at night, offer to watch the kids while she naps.

Remember when your child wakes at night that it gets better. By the time they are teenagers you will be shaking them to wake them in the morning.

4.They ignore the detailed lists you give them about carpools, who needs to be where and when. Sometimes they will ask you instead over and over; other times they will forget completely.

How women can cope:

a) Make the list together and make it as simple as possible. Use a calendar and put the times and info on it. Use bullets as men are not going to read through long instructions.

b) Keep the list updated.

c) If you are computer/blackberry savvy, put auto-reminders on your calendars so you/he can’t forget.

d) Have one calendar you both use with everyone’s schedule on it. That way you can’t forget something.

How men can help:

a) Don’t let your wife go thru writing extensive instructions you’ll never read. It’ll only frustrate her. Make the list or at least the format you are going to use together. Or take your own notes in a way you can relate to.

b) Use all the means at your disposal to be sure you have the times scheduled, be it the list you create together, putting it into your PDA, or giving it to your secretary or administrative assistant, if you have one.

5. This number one complaint I hear from women about men is that they don’t listen. It’s not at all unusual for a woman to complain to me that she told her husband a story, he kept saying,Uh-huh, and didn’t hear a word she said.

How women can cope:

Since I already addressed this in a prior article and in my ebook,5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen, I will simply direct women there.

How men can help:

a) Let your wife or significant other know when you are too busy to listen and let her know when you can stop and listen and then DO it. Or if you can pause what you are doing and it’s important, stop and listen. (eg- you can press the dvr record button and watch that play again).

b) Ask questions if you aren’t sure, never assume. If she says,Would you like to..?, she means she wants you to. If she says,I think you should, you should.

c) If you find yourself daydreaming while she’s talking, admit it rather than try to hide it- you’ll get caught sooner or later. Eliminate distractions so you are less tempted to have your mind drift.

Couples, especially those with young children, find themselves getting angry with each other for these minor things and they can escalate into larger fights. Nip the little things off in the bud by following my advice. It’s worked for my husband and me for over forty years. Make it work for you.