5 Ways to Annoy a Man

My last article, 5 Things Men Do That Upset Women and What to Do AboutThem,identified the most commonlittle things men do that irritate women. Themen asked forequal time so here are the 5 things women do that annoy men.

1. One of the biggest complaints I hear from a man is that he doesn’t really know what a woman is trying to tell them. Instead of coming right out with what’s on her mind, a women will often hint. Since a man never learned to read minds, he is at a loss. So here’s some advice for both sexes.

What a woman should do:

a) Ask straight out and stop beating around the bush. You may think you are being polite or not beingpushy but you aren’t. If you want something, say,I want orI’d like. If you qualify everything with awould you like? orHow does xxx sound?, men interpret this as something you have just given them a choice about. By the way, this is true in business as well as relationships.

b) Unless you are prepared for their choice to be other than what you want, ask directly and don’t apologize for asking. When it comes to presents, women love to hint and if a man gets it wrong, we are disappointed. Let them know what you’d really like and you’ll get it. (What’s more important to you, being surprised that they actually got your hint or getting the item you really wanted?)

What a man should do:

a) Ask. If a woman says,Would you like to?, counter with,What would you like to do?

b) Recognize that the qualifiers women add are their way of being polite and listen for the real meaning. For example, if she saysI think I’d like to , she really would like to.

2. The second complaint is related to the first but can also lead men astray. Women will say something is OK when it isn’t and will then let it fester until it becomes a bigger issue.

What a woman should do:

a) Be honest about your feelings. Men don’t read body language that well so they need to hear what you are thinking.

b) If it really is a small thing, get over it and stop obsessing. Accept it or address it, but choose one.

What a man should do:

a) Recognize certain words that imply there’s no problem when there is. SayingThat’s OK orIt’s fine with an emphasis on the OK or fine most likely means it isn’t. Ask,Are you sure?

b) If she has said something is fine or OK that you really do want to do, thank her. Just telling a woman you really appreciate the sacrifice she is making to give you what you want goes a very long way. (By the way, men like to be appreciated with big things and a big gift can have long lasting effects. Women like lots of expressions of appreciation. Many small gifts and thank you’s over time are usually more effective than one big one).

3. The third area where women make men uncomfortable is when they get emotional, especially when men think it’s no big deal. Even if there are no tears, they often don’t understand what a woman is upset about or why she will remember it for weeks or even years.

What a woman should do

a) If you are an emotional sort, you probably can’t do a lot to change this but you might try taking a walk or meditating or doing something that brings you pleasure instead.

b) It has been shown in studies of the brain that women reanalyze and replay pastevents more than men. Again it is normal but recognizing that a man can put theissue past him may help you understand why he does not seem as upset as youare.

What a man should do

a) Understand that this is normal and not take it personally. Be supportive, empathetic and don’t sayIt’s not such a big deal. If she is upset or crying, it’s a big deal to her.

b) When she has calmed down, do something to take her mind off of whatever was bothering her and to show her she’s valued. A little concern goes a long way.

4) The fourth way to irritate a man is to ask him to go shopping, especially for something in which he has no interest (like bed pillows? Ask a man to go shop for a car or a power tool and he will be raring to go in a few minutes). A man will also think that when you have found the item, the shopping trip is over. After all, a bed pillow is a bed pillow, isn’t it? A black sweater is a black sweater. When you find one, aren’t you done? Wrong.

What a woman should do

a) Try to incorporate activities besides just shopping into the event or include shopping for something where he feels his opinion will make a difference

b) If you are shopping for decorating items or clothes for you only, it’s probably better to do it alone or with a friend.

c) The best time to suggest a man join you on a shopping expedition is when he is bored.

d) If you can do the shopping someplace you have never been (eg- incorporate with a drive to a new mall or location) or include shopping for something they have been wanting to buy, men will often enjoy the expedition.

What a man should do

a) Recognize that for a women, shopping is normally not just buying an item but aprocess and a time to be together. She sees this as a social interaction as opposed to just getting the item.

b) While she is looking, go into a store section that interests you and let her knowwhere to find you. If she really wants your opinion, have her call your cellwhen she has located what she wants and join her for the final decision.

5) Finally, one of the biggest frustrations men have is that women like totalk about it, whateverit is, while men want to be left alone. When a man and a woman come home from work, both might be stressed and need to unwind. He turns on TV or goes to the newspaper while she wants to discuss her very trying day. Before you know it, an argument ensues.

What men and women should do

There are basic biological differences between men and women that cause these two opposite needs and are related to the hormones we use to destress. When stressed, a man’s testosterone level is reduced and he needs to rebuild it. The best way to do this is to be left alone, to watch TV, to do a hobby, or read. Women, on the other hand, relieve stress by talking with those they care about; it allows them to build back their nurturing hormones.

Since the sexes are so different in what they need, it is natural for this to lead to conflict. The best way to handle this after a long hard day is to agree on who gets todestress first. For example, let your husband watch TV or listen to music for a bit but make sure he knows you need to talk when he’s done or vice versa. As long as you respect each other’s need and accommodate them sequentially, this frustration can be minimized or eliminated.

While we are different in our needs and our behaviors, it is this very difference that makes life interesting. Embrace the differences (figuratively and literally) and work on these little things before they become big issues. After 40 years of marriage, it is almost second nature for my husband and me.

Renee Weisman’s bio:Renee Weisman, owner ofWinning at Work, charted new territory as one of the first woman engineers, managers, executives and working mothers in the male-dominated semiconductor industry. Over her 40 years in education and industry, she learned to make gender differences work for her and teaches others how to do the same. She is a frequent speaker at corporations and conferences around theUS. Her classes are tailored to enhance women in their careers and to enable male managers to better understand how to capitalize on the differences between men and women in their business. She is the author ofWinning in a Man’s World, Advice for Women Who Want to Succeed and the Men Who Work with Themand5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen and OtherAdvice for Women in Businessand is a featured author forexcelle.monster.com, smallbizlinkand the Poughkeepsie Journal.