The Art of Healing – What’s In My Tank

When I went for a run yesterday, I felt that I was running out of fuel after the first lap around the reservoir. Rather than quit, push myself beyond limits or berate myself for not being able to keep the same pace, I decided to power walk. I would still get the benefits of exercise, but I would not totally deplete myself in the process. With every step I took I gave thanks to God remembering that just a short while ago, every step that I took was a major effort and fatigue would overtake me without notice. I had to learn to love my body which I felt had betrayed me so many times with polio and post polio syndrome and so many surgeries. I had to learn to love all of the scars and to embrace all the challenges which I needed to overcome to feel a sense of wholeness of mind, body and spirit. Love in my tank fuels this healing process.

When I feed on doubts, fears, feelings of unworthiness,competition,scarcity,anxiety and worrying about the future, I am depleting my mind and Spirit of what it needs to Thrive! It’s as though I am ‘eating’ junk food for the mind and spirit. And like junk food, it is deceptively tasty but empty of the nutrients which I need to grow. So what am I putting in my tank? I am fueling myself with love – I am fueling myself with self-love, with God’s unconditional love and with love from others. This is a new experience for me. Growing up in the 1950′s I was told that self praise stinks, that children should be seen and not heard and I fed on those messages (along with a lot of junk food -twinkies anyone?). Eventually, my body just quit but when it did, I was able to finally unearth the true me.I loved myself in a leg brace, wearing ‘polio shoes’, using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility. I discovered that self worth and self love is an inside out job. The gift of poetry helped to articulate the struggles and to give voice to joy and love and gratitude and forgiveness to fuel my journey.

Love Yourself
Self-praise stinks a favorite phrase of parents from days gone by
Half-hearted compliments given, ‘well okay at least you can try.

And children should be seen not heard
keep your voice silent, don’t say a word.

No opinions should you share, but do each thing by rote
No room to create, you’ll play someone else’s note.

For years your voice was silenced it’s now your time breathe free
It’s time for you to hug yourself,