Reaching Your Goals, Obtaining Your Dreams

Making a promise to change is easy, keeping that promise is
hard! It is estimated that only 20% of the people who make New Year’s resolutions keep them. On the average, it takes five long years of promising ourselves to make a change before we actually put it into action. Psychotherapists know there is much more to making lasting changes than simple intention. If that were the case, no one would need assistance they’d just do itand the world of making changes would be perfect!

Usually making
changes is a challenging process. It takes 21 days to make or break a habit.
Several steps can make it easier for you to succeed:

• Take a
  close, honest look at the real reasons you haven’t changed before. You may
  have some preliminary work to do before you can successfully make a
  change. For example, if you are overeating out of unresolved grief over
  your divorce, it is not likely that you will lose weight until you have
  worked through these feelings. If you’re stuck in old unfinished business,
  seek out some counseling and begin moving past it.

• Define
  some small, specific steps that will move you in the direction you want to
  go. It is one thing to say you want to exercise and quite another to
  actually exercise.

• Whatever
  our goals are, they need to be achievable and measurable because we need
  to know when we’ve been successful. Example: Your general goal is a more
  intimate relationship with your significant other. Make it achievable and
  measurable by saying to yourself: My goal of this month is to spend more
  pleasurable time with my spouse. I’m going to spend at least two evening
  during the month alone with my husband. At the end of the month, I will know
  if I have achieved this goal by asking myself if I spent two pleasurable
  evening alone with him.

• Take ownership of your changes.
  These are your goals, not those of your spouse, your parents, or your best
  friend. It is estimated that goals set mainly for the benefit of others on
  average last only six weeks (and we resent them for our failures).

• Build
  in support. This can mean telling others who will encourage you or joining
  a support group. Don’t try to do it all by yourself. Ask for help from
  family, friends, and professionals.

• Realize
  that the world is not black or white, all or nothing. Most journeys
  include a few side roads or delays. Interpret
  lapses in progress as signals for change, not failures. Get right back
  on track reaching your goal.

• Track
  your progress so you can see the results. Plan to reward yourself in
  healthy ways as your achieve your goal. Celebrate as often as possible.
  Give yourself credit for every small step you make toward your goal.

Best wishes for achieving the goals you dream of. You
deserve to make the changes you desire. Keep the belief that you can make these
changes!

Barbara Kramen-Kahn, Ph.D can be reached at barbara@truckeehealthychocolate.com