The Power Of A Card

June 15th, 2007. The date has been etched in my mind forever. My father called to see if I had gotten his birthday card. I found this odd for two reasons. One, my birthday was five days away, and two, if in previous years my father sent me a card it usually arrived late — well after my sister would question him, did you ever send Mitch a card for his birthday?

I only voiced my surprise to him at the timing of his question, and his response was that he wanted to send it out early this year. I told him I had yet to receive it but that I was sure it would be there soon enough. I forgot about it until my birthday when he called to send his good wishes, and asked again did you ever get my card?I told him it no. He was perplexed that it would take so long.

It suddenly dawned on me that my neighbor downstairs, who shares the same last name, had been in Florida for several months caring for his ailing parents. I imagined perhaps that the card ended up in his mail, which was then forwarded to his folks place in Miami. I shared this with my father and told him I would email my neighbor to find out.

I never did. Call it too busy. Call it one kid, another moments away from her first taste of air. Call it busy with work. Or, maybe I just need to call it the truth. It had been years since my father sent me a gift, usually a check stuffed inside a card. No reason to suspect there was money in it at this stage of the game, so I discounted the card with someone else’s words printed inside and forgot about it. Again. And we never discussed it. Again. It was just a card anyway.

On August 8th, one week before my wife was scheduled to give birth to our youngest daughter, I received an early morning call from my sister. Although we speak multiple times a week, this call was at 6:20 AM. I knew it couldn’t be good.

Mitch, it’s Dad.He’s gone.

I was stunned, asking my sister the how, when and what happened — all the questions that accompany shock. All the questions that couldn’t erase the simple fact that he was gone. I don’t remember crying so much as I do recall my entire body shaking. How could this be happening? We had all been preparing for a new beginning not a tragic ending!

Now, I had to go wake up my very pregnant wife and tell her the news. I was eerily calm, in shock as I told her. I wanted to cry, but I was too concerned for her, the baby, and our three year old to let out more than just a look of a man very lost.

Later that morning after calls to close friends, other family, and the airlines to get a flight back to Philadelphia, an email from my downstairs neighbor appeared in my inbox. Mind you, I can’t recall the last time he had ever written to me.

Mitch, still here in Florida taking care of my folks. I apologize for I had been meaning to write to you. It looks like I have some mail here for you. A card.I knew right then and there it was the card from my Dad. I asked him to please mail it to me.

The day I returned from the funeral the card was in my mailbox. Seeing my Dad’s handwriting on the envelope, I couldn’t open it fast enough.

On the cover HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A SPECIAL SON

And inside, Hallmark’s words about special memories a father has of his son. I could hardly read them through my tears. Then, at the bottom I could make out his handwriting. My Dad actually wrote something? My Dad?

Always on my mind, never out of my heart. Love Ya, Dad.

I wept like a baby. I still do just thinking about it.

On August 16th, we welcomed Joely Edyn Newman into the world. I know in my heart that my Dad held her before we did, told her what she needed to know, and then safely guided her to us.

Over a year later the card still sits on my desk, and I carry its loving energy with me wherever I go. Never again will I underestimate a card and its ability to impact a life. I know I am forever changed because of it.

The power of a card. The timing of a card. The value of a card that no check, no amount of money could ever equal. Forgive me, Dad. But more importantly –Thanks!

Mitch Newman, M.A. is The Relationship Coach. Since the experience of losing his father, he maintains and nurtures his professional and personal relationships by sending them cards. You can find out more by visiting www.sendoutcards.com/newman Mitch can be reached at mitch@therelationshipcoachisin.com or at 310.225.2222